Caring for a Loved One in a Nursing Home: Activities for Visits

When a loved one lives in a nursing facility, you have the opportunity to provide the gift of a visit. The most important thing to do is to show up.

Nursing homes can be strange and uncomfortable places. People sometimes feel uncomfortable visiting a loved one in a facility because they don’t know what to do while there. Their loved one may not be able to talk or hold a conversation well, and silences can feel awkward. Combining all of these things creates stress and anxiety; if you feel stressed about visiting, you may avoid it altogether.

Making your visit more pleasant only takes a little preparation. Start with these ideas, and you can make the most of the time with your loved one – your visits will no longer be a source of anxiety!

Basic visit guidelines:

• Plan your visit at a convenient time for your loved one.
  • Your loved ones may have appointments with therapy providers or have personal care activities that take a long time (e.g. bathing).
  • Find out when he or she will be busy and avoid those times.
• Plan for a specific visit length.
  • If your loved one has difficulty with saying good-bye, plan your visits prior to another activity, which will minimize the impact of your departure. For example, visit for about one hour right before dinner.
  • Be prepared with a specific reason you have to leave at a certain time, such as picking a child up from school or getting to an appointment.
• Plan to be flexible.
  • Sometimes you think it is a good time to visit, but it turns out not to be. Don’t stress out about it – decide if you want to wait or not, then move on.
  • Your loved one simply doesn’t have as much control over his or her schedule in this setting.

Suggested activities for anyone:

• Read aloud.
  • This is especially good for someone who has difficulty reading or limited vision.
  • If your loved one is not fully conscious or awake, they may still be listening. They may be comforted by the sound of your voice.
  • Shorter content is preferred; for example:
    • Daily newspaper stories or sports section
    • Short stories
    • Magazine articles
  • You should review the material if unsure. You don’t want to find yourself reading a steamy love scene or describing the details of a violent murder!
• Watch TV or simply sit together.
  • If the facility has a room with a larger TV (like a “living room” or activity room), and your loved one can be moved, it’s nice to watch TV in a different location. It’s a change of scene.
• Bring a friend along for conversation
  • Have a grown-up conversation in the presence of your loved one and engage your loved one periodically.
    • Some folks who cannot speak quickly might enjoy listening in without the pressure to participate.
    • When applicable, bring your loved one into the conversation. For example, say “This reminds me of time we took that road trip….” or “That sounds like Aunt Judy, right Mom?” or “We had a birdhouse like that growing up; remember, Dad?”
  • The conversation will help them think about something other than their current situation. What a nice mental break! Talk about a recent trip, a problem you solved, happenings at home (or church, or the office), etc.
• Bring your laptop or tablet and share:
  • Recent photos
  • Funny or educational videos from YouTube, or select a few TED talks on a topic of interest ahead of time.
  • Music

For those that can eat or drink:

When planning a meal or snack, first check with the facility about your loved one’s diet restrictions, if any. Second, think non-perishable, easy to store and easy to open. Here are some suggestions:

• A good cup of coffee.
  • Pick it up fresh from the coffee house.
  • Bring high quality instant coffee, like Starbucks Via Ready Brew.
• Flavored tea bags.
• Water flavorings or hot cocoa.
• Interesting seasonings for meals. Facility food can be bland and seniors sometimes have a diminished sense of taste:
  • Soy sauce
  • Sriracha or hot sauce
  • Mrs. Dash or seasoned salt
• Fresh fruit or produce.

For more active people:

• Work on a jigsaw puzzle together. The facility may have some available or you can bring your own.
  • Seniors sometimes are more successful with large-piece puzzles. Puzzles with extra-large pieces are available for memory-impaired people.
  • If the puzzle isn’t finished and you can’t leave the puzzle out, invest in a puzzle case or carrier. When you’re done working on it, you can put the puzzle away and resume at a later time.
• Take a walk outside on a nice day. Push their wheelchair, if applicable.
  • Even walking around the parking lot is a change of scene. Make a game out of spotting the parked cars’ license plates or colors.
  • Fresh air and sunshine are beneficial!
• Bring your well-behaved pet for a visit.
  • Check with the facility first.
  • Use your judgment about how your pet will handle the environment.
  • Bring a few treats your loved one can feed to your pet.
  • Don’t forget the waste pick up bags, in case of an accident.

Small items or gifts:

• Self-care products. Bringing your loved one’s preferred brand will certainly be appreciated. Facilities provide these products, but they are usually institutional quality. Here are some ideas:
  • Lip balm
  • Skin moisturizing lotion
  • Good quality disposable razors
  • Toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, toothpicks
  • Soap/shampoo/conditioner
  • Nail clippers/emery boards
• Air freshener (mild scent)
• Something your loved one can fiddle with, such as a stress ball, squishy toy or Rubik’s cube.
• Supplies for a hobby, such as knitting, crochet, cross stitch, etc. Men might enjoy parachute cord knot tying.
• A letter opener.
  • Sometimes older individuals struggle with opening an envelope (arthritis, movement disorders, etc.).
  • Use your judgment – a letter opener could be dangerous for a confused person.
• Puzzle magazines and a few pencils. Mechanical pencils are better because they don’t need sharpening.
  • 399 Games, Puzzles & Trivia Challenges Specially Designed to Keep Your Brain Young by Nancy Linde (The puzzles in this book can be done interactively with another person or worked independently).
  • Search-a-word
  • Crossword puzzles
  • Sudoku

Read the Laundry instalment in the “Caring for a Loved One in a Nursing Home” series here.

For more articles like this, see: Long Distance Caregiving, Resources for Central Virginia, Aging in Place, Care for the Caregiver, Resources for Central Virginia – Charlottesville, Resources for Central Virginia – Harrisonburg, Resources for Central Virginia – Staunton, Resources for Kansas City.

Do you need help managing the care of an elderly loved one in Charlottesville, Harrisonburg, or Staunton Virginia or in Kansas City or Overland Park, Kansas?

Contact us at Care is There Geriatric Care Management for a free consultation: 800.434.1633 or info@careisthere.com. We specialize in geriatric care management, support for independent living, assisted living enhancement and peace of mind for long distance caregivers.